Happy Memorial Day; in memory of those who served and fallen.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Tears of a Father
There are moments some tougher then others, where I miss my father more then ever. I can close my eyes and picture him; his scent, his laugh, his smile, everything. I miss him so much. I miss him more today then most days. These days don't come often but when they do. I find myself in a puddle of my own tears. What can I say, I miss my father. I wish he was here. I wish he was alive.
July 4th will soon come and this year I won't be home. It will be hard, but I will cope with my emotions. I don't think people understand unless they have lost a parent or someone close to them. I tell them when they lose a parent they will know how I feel every time July 4th comes by. I try to tell myself that I've fully healed but I know that's bullshit. I will never be healed. I will never be able to let go of him. I miss him so much and its so hard not being able to tell anyone who would understand. Even the happy moments with my father makes me sad and cry because I just miss him so much. I wish I could talk to him. I wish for so much.
I know the time will come and my mother will pass and that tares me up inside. Eventually everything that I love and hold dear to me will pass. At the end it will be me and only me.
July 4th will soon come and this year I won't be home. It will be hard, but I will cope with my emotions. I don't think people understand unless they have lost a parent or someone close to them. I tell them when they lose a parent they will know how I feel every time July 4th comes by. I try to tell myself that I've fully healed but I know that's bullshit. I will never be healed. I will never be able to let go of him. I miss him so much and its so hard not being able to tell anyone who would understand. Even the happy moments with my father makes me sad and cry because I just miss him so much. I wish I could talk to him. I wish for so much.
I know the time will come and my mother will pass and that tares me up inside. Eventually everything that I love and hold dear to me will pass. At the end it will be me and only me.
110%
For the first time in my life, I'm 110% sure I want to further my education. I want a 4year, a Bachelors. I know most have already accomplish this at my age of 24. So I was a late bloomer, I was too busy playing "housewife". I just wasn't interested, that time in my life.
I want it now though, more then I wanted anything else. I was in love and made mistakes.
It tears me up inside with the reality of not being able to afford schooling. I've tried and with my poor credit no one wants to give me a loan; grants, scholarships will only take me so far, I need the loan.
Which I know at the end is my fault. I screwed it all up and suffering with the aftermath.
I wanted so much more at 24, but I'm really not sure what I've really done; break hearts, get into debt. What a mess I've created for myself and I know it will take years to repair the damage I've done.
I've done a lot, but I'm not sure what good it has done me or anyone else for that matter.
I want it now though, more then I wanted anything else. I was in love and made mistakes.
It tears me up inside with the reality of not being able to afford schooling. I've tried and with my poor credit no one wants to give me a loan; grants, scholarships will only take me so far, I need the loan.
Which I know at the end is my fault. I screwed it all up and suffering with the aftermath.
I wanted so much more at 24, but I'm really not sure what I've really done; break hearts, get into debt. What a mess I've created for myself and I know it will take years to repair the damage I've done.
I've done a lot, but I'm not sure what good it has done me or anyone else for that matter.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Netflix
For the last few weeks I've been considering subscribing to Netflix.
I've started the 2 weeks free trial yesterday. So far I'm liking it. I watched a few movies online, started a que to receive a few in the mail and the price is right.
Matt and I are now looking at purchasing a new T.V so we can get a HDMI plug and watch it over the T.V. I'm pretty sure that's what we need.
I'm such a movie BUFF! Love my movies!
I've started the 2 weeks free trial yesterday. So far I'm liking it. I watched a few movies online, started a que to receive a few in the mail and the price is right.
Matt and I are now looking at purchasing a new T.V so we can get a HDMI plug and watch it over the T.V. I'm pretty sure that's what we need.
I'm such a movie BUFF! Love my movies!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Addicted
I'm officially addicted to Gilmore Girls! I started to watch it on the Family channel a few weeks ago and I can't get enough of it. I already know what happens in the last season because I was able to find some free episodes online. But I'm still watching it everyday on the Family Channel at 3. Also the WB channel online uploads three episodes every Monday and takes away three old ones. What can I say, I'm a Dork.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I've Done 113 Out of a 132 Things
Randomness
Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Smoked A Cigarette..
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex...
(x) Drank Alcohol..
Level 2
(x) Are/ Been In Love...
(x) Been Dumped...
(x) Shoplifted...
(x) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight
SO FAR: 9
Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person...
(x) Skipped School..
(x) Slept With A Co-worker ...before I got married
(x) Seen Someone/Something Die
SO FAR 13
Level 4
(x) Had Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends...
( ) Been To Paris...
( ) Been To Spain...
(x) Been On A Plane..
(x) Thrown Up From Drinking...
SO FAR: 16
Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi...
(x) Been Snowboarding...
() Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit
SO FAR: 19
Level 6
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have ...
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By...
(x) Made A Snow Angel..
SO FAR: 24
Level 7
(x) Had A Tea Party...
(x) Flown A Kite...
(x) Built A Sand Castle...
(x) Gone mudding (off-roading)
(x) Played Dress Up...
SO FAR:29
Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves...
(x) Gone Sledding...
( ) Cheated While Playing A Game...
(x) Been Lonely...
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School...
SO FAR:33
Level 9
(x) Watched The Sun Set...
(x) Felt An Earthquake
(x) Killed A Snake
SO FAR: 36
Level 10
(x) Been Tickled...
(x) Been robbed/vandalised...
(x) Been cheated on...
(x) Been Misunderstood...
SO FAR: 40
Level 11
(x) Won A Contest
(x) Been Suspended From School/ College...
(x) Had Detention...
(x) Been In A Car / On Motorcycle...
SO FAR: 44
Level 12
( ) Had/ Have spots...
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night...
(x) Danced in the moonlight...
SO FAR: 46
Level 13
(x) Hated The Way You Look...
(x) Witnessed A Crime...
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes...
SO FAR: 50
Level 14
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud...
(x) Been Lost...
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World...
(x) Swam In The Ocean..
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying...
SO FAR: 55
Level 15
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep..
(x) Played Cops And Robbers...
( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers..
(x) Sang Karaoke...
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins..
SO FAR: 59
Level 16
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't...
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls...
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain...
SO FAR: 63
Level 17
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus...
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About...
(x) Blown Bubbles...
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere...
SO FAR: 67
Level 18
(x) Crashed A Party
(x) Have Travelled More Than 3 Days With A Car Full Of People...
(x) Gone Roller-skating/ Blading..
(x) Had A Wish Come True...
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey....
SO FAR: 71
Level 19
(x) Worn Pearls...
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"... AND "DICK"
( ) Swam With Dolphins...
SO FAR: 74
Level 20
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube...
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes..
(x) Sat On A Roof Top...
SO FAR: 76
Level 21
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs...
(x) Done/ Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel...
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours...
(x) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about...
SO FAR: 80
Level 22
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree...
(x) Climbed A Tree...
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been too scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
SO FAR: 84
Level 23
(x) Believed In Ghosts...
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes..
(x) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail..
SO FAR: 88
Level 24
(x) Played Chicken...
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on...
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused...
SO FAR: 91
Level 25
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) got asked to make Porn Video
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried...
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
SO FAR: 95
Level 26
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You...
( ) Cheated On A Test...
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name...
(x) French Braided Someone’s Hair..
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
( ) Tried to hurt yourself
SO FAR: 101
Level 27
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster...
(x) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling...
(x) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed
SO FAR: 105
Level 28
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs...
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone...
(x) Licked Someone...
SO FAR: 109
Level 29
( ) Been shot at..
(x) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someone’s tires...
(x) Rode your bike/Driven your car until the fuel light came on...
(x) Got $5 or less worth of fuel...
TOTAL: 113
Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Smoked A Cigarette..
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex...
(x) Drank Alcohol..
SO FAR: 4
Level 2
(x) Are/ Been In Love...
(x) Been Dumped...
(x) Shoplifted...
(x) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight
SO FAR: 9
Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person...
(x) Skipped School..
(x) Slept With A Co-worker ...before I got married
(x) Seen Someone/Something Die
SO FAR 13
Level 4
(x) Had Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends...
( ) Been To Paris...
( ) Been To Spain...
(x) Been On A Plane..
(x) Thrown Up From Drinking...
SO FAR: 16
Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi...
(x) Been Snowboarding...
() Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit
SO FAR: 19
Level 6
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have ...
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By...
(x) Made A Snow Angel..
SO FAR: 24
Level 7
(x) Had A Tea Party...
(x) Flown A Kite...
(x) Built A Sand Castle...
(x) Gone mudding (off-roading)
(x) Played Dress Up...
SO FAR:29
Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves...
(x) Gone Sledding...
( ) Cheated While Playing A Game...
(x) Been Lonely...
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School...
SO FAR:33
Level 9
(x) Watched The Sun Set...
(x) Felt An Earthquake
(x) Killed A Snake
SO FAR: 36
Level 10
(x) Been Tickled...
(x) Been robbed/vandalised...
(x) Been cheated on...
(x) Been Misunderstood...
SO FAR: 40
Level 11
(x) Won A Contest
(x) Been Suspended From School/ College...
(x) Had Detention...
(x) Been In A Car / On Motorcycle...
SO FAR: 44
Level 12
( ) Had/ Have spots...
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night...
(x) Danced in the moonlight...
SO FAR: 46
Level 13
(x) Hated The Way You Look...
(x) Witnessed A Crime...
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes...
SO FAR: 50
Level 14
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud...
(x) Been Lost...
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World...
(x) Swam In The Ocean..
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying...
SO FAR: 55
Level 15
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep..
(x) Played Cops And Robbers...
( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers..
(x) Sang Karaoke...
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins..
SO FAR: 59
Level 16
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't...
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls...
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain...
SO FAR: 63
Level 17
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus...
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About...
(x) Blown Bubbles...
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere...
SO FAR: 67
Level 18
(x) Crashed A Party
(x) Have Travelled More Than 3 Days With A Car Full Of People...
(x) Gone Roller-skating/ Blading..
(x) Had A Wish Come True...
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey....
SO FAR: 71
Level 19
(x) Worn Pearls...
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"... AND "DICK"
( ) Swam With Dolphins...
SO FAR: 74
Level 20
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube...
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes..
(x) Sat On A Roof Top...
SO FAR: 76
Level 21
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs...
(x) Done/ Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel...
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours...
(x) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about...
SO FAR: 80
Level 22
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree...
(x) Climbed A Tree...
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been too scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
SO FAR: 84
Level 23
(x) Believed In Ghosts...
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes..
(x) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail..
SO FAR: 88
Level 24
(x) Played Chicken...
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on...
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused...
SO FAR: 91
Level 25
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) got asked to make Porn Video
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried...
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
SO FAR: 95
Level 26
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You...
( ) Cheated On A Test...
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name...
(x) French Braided Someone’s Hair..
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
( ) Tried to hurt yourself
SO FAR: 101
Level 27
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster...
(x) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling...
(x) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed
SO FAR: 105
Level 28
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs...
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone...
(x) Licked Someone...
SO FAR: 109
Level 29
( ) Been shot at..
(x) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someone’s tires...
(x) Rode your bike/Driven your car until the fuel light came on...
(x) Got $5 or less worth of fuel...
TOTAL: 113
Friday, May 1, 2009
May Day
For those who don't know today is May Day. So Happy May Day!
May Day is observed in the United States, Canada, and parts of Western Europe in celebration of the coming of Spring. Also is observed as a holiday especially in socialist countries in honor of labor and labor organizations.
May Day is observed in the United States, Canada, and parts of Western Europe in celebration of the coming of Spring. Also is observed as a holiday especially in socialist countries in honor of labor and labor organizations.
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